Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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