That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
