i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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