Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
