Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
