as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
