ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
