that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
whose ass print is on the piano?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
