You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
