maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
