I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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