I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
