So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
