Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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