how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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