is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
