he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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