The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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