Don't make out with my wife yet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
