4 words: hood of his car
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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