Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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