After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
