sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want to fling myself into the sun
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
