Don't you send me to vm
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just invented taco cereal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
