Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
