I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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