Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
