Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
