Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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