theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
