i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
