He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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