She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
