I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i love accidental penises.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
