Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
