i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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