I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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