I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
