Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
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omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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