every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We got so high we made milksteak
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
