No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
