I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
