You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
