Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
