Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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