Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
