my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
