Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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