I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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