I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
