Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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