Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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