We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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