I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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