I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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