Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
