Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
