This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh god the rape fog is back!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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