i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
