I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
