I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
