Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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