# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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