I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
two words: eviction party
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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