Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
