margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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