you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
