I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
