when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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