he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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