What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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