Porn is love you can see.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
