Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I met the friendliest cop last night
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
