pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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