We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
