How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
