conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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