I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
