Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
