It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
