sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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