Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
