A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come share oat with me in your robe
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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