omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
