all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
