Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
