Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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