I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
