i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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