RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
