Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
